Yes it is a relief to have it all out in the open and her dad is still a Catholic. He is being very supportive of our decisions as usual.
I want to thank everyone for their support and encouragement
Andrea Wideman
JoinedPosts by Andrea Wideman
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9
The other shoe has dropped.
by Andrea Wideman inwell my jw mother-in-law was at her dad's house today.
he invited us over for pizza and also invited her too.
i have no problem with her.
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Andrea Wideman
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9
The other shoe has dropped.
by Andrea Wideman inwell my jw mother-in-law was at her dad's house today.
he invited us over for pizza and also invited her too.
i have no problem with her.
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Andrea Wideman
Well my JW mother-in-law was at her dad's house today. He invited us over for pizza and also invited her too. He didn't tell her that I would be there. I have no problem with her. When she saw me I said hi and she said nothing. Not surprisingly I was being shunned by her.
Later she tried to get my daughter alone to measure her growth in comparison to her grandma. My daughter said that she could compare height right there. Obvioulsy her grandma wanted to get her alone to witness to her. Later her grandma aka my mother-in-law approaches me and says she isn't talking to me because I DAd and she wished she had known I would be there since she wouldn't have come. None of this surprised me.
Later on my daughter said she felt sick and went to lie down. While resting her grandma approaches her again. This time she is interrupted by my son who had heard what she had said to me previously. He told her that if she couldn't talk to me then she didn't need to talk to any of them. He mentioned about how it was okay to her for me to stop being Catholic and become a JW but that it isn't okay for me to just be a Christian. She stopped talking to him and went home.
When we get home we find out that she left an answering machine message for my son to call her. I had Joel,my husband, call her instead. She spoke with him briefly and asked to speak with me. I said sure. She asked me if I was DAd and I said yes. She asked if I knew that I had left all of the JW's and I said yes. She said that I had left J's people and I said that is her belief which she then interrupted me and said I was wrong. She asked me to respect her beliefs as to why she wouldn't be talking to me. I said fine and asked her to respect mine. I further said that I was raising the kids Christian and had also mentioned in my letter about JW's leaving my kids alone. She said that since she was their grandma it was different for her. She said that she loves me but won't ever talk to me but it does not affect the kids. I reiterated about the new way we are raising the kids as Christians.
Now after all this happened I know my kids can handle talking to grandma. They respect her beliefs but refuse to discuss them. If she persists they can stand up for themselves. I would prefer it if she gave us the same respect that she is demanding for herself. She can call here if she wants but won't be allowed to take them anywhere. Her mental health isn't always good.
So the other shoe has finally dropped since I wrote my letter. I now know how she will be treating me and my family. My family is very happy to have gotten away from JW's but sad that their grandma won't be respecting our decision. All we can do is to stay firm and loving with her. Maybe someday her eyes will be opened to how controlling they are and then we can truly be one happy family. -
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Hi everyone I am new here
by acuragirl in.
this is a new thread started from the one my husband left yesterday............ hi everyone,this is gringojjs wife.i thankyou all for your comments and your help,really makes me feel better about my situation especially since i see that most of what im going through alot of you have been through the exact same thing.it makes me realize im not the only one and that i can get through this tough time like most of you have.i can really identify with the poster who made the comments about being scared after leaving,not realizing if it was the right decision or not.i am really scared of armagedon,of invisible wicked forces the wts teaches you to turn away from,just like the poster i watched a horror film a couple nights ago and it was about demonism,i was extremely scared i was going to be bothered by the demons for getting involved in watching those kinds of movies.its ridiculus how scared i was,just believing in satan and his demons,and what they could or could not do.something my husband doesnt really understand because he doesnt believe in satan or jehovah or a god at all,but when you do believe its scary to think you are upseting god or on the side of satan.i dont know where i am at right now i do know that im confused,the witnesses coming to the door,halloween coming up......which btw i celebrated last year but my concience is really doing me in this time.........i dont know what to do with the kids !
do they celebrate do they not?i dont know, when the time comes mabe i will but i know one thing i have to make a choice, for my husbands sake,for my sanity,and for our children.i am glad i have people to share my pain and suffering with,my mother says i dont want to suffer at all because im afraid of losing my husband if i become baptized,she says thats what you have to do for the truth....suffer....im not going to be happy suffering through life and for what?mabe nothing.i am not afraid of losing my husband i am afraid of dissapointing my mom but im not going to stay in a religon that makes me totally screwed up in the head.i used to have panic attacks when i was attending meetings i havent had one since not attending,i still have exterme anxiety from worry and fear but no panic attacks....hm....go figure!last thing,the other day a born again christian approched me by my local post office and asked me if i was interested in attending his church.i simply told him no thankyou my children are already screwed up enough from the jws.
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Andrea Wideman
I know it is very tough trying to figure out what to do. I agree with my husband Joel's advice to you about talking to the kids and asking them what they want to do. I did and found out that they would have stopped being JW's when they became 18 years old. They didn't want to stay JW instead they are very happy being Christians. Presently we don't belong to any church but we do pray to God.
About life being about suffering that is so totally wrong. God loves us and doesn't want us to suffer. I know that from your post it sounds as if you are caught between your mom and your husband. I was in that position once myself. My mom thought that I would abandon her when I became a JW and my husband was raised as a JW and agreed with me that was a religion closest to my own personal beliefs. Of course the more I studied, became baptized, lived it; the more I realized how wrong I was. So glad to have DAd and that I got out of it. Doing that brought my family closer together.
I would like to welcome you here. You will find lots of good advice and a very genuinely loving environment. -
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Andrea Wideman
Sometimes when you are 18 years old life can seem to have no meaning or hope. I was raised Catholic and felt that way. From the sound of your post you know yourself pretty well and have goals you want to reach. That is wonderful. You can reach your goals. It may take some time but it will happen. I know things seem really overwhelming right now but you have made a great start by coming here and reaching out for help. Also too here you will get some great advice from those who have already been through similar experiences as you. Since you are 18 you have more options than someone who isn't legally an adult. You can get a job to save money for school, you can apply for grants or loans, you can choose a school that will fit your needs, and you can make friends who will support your decisions. Also when ready you can move out and on with your life. You have so many great opportunities ahead of you and not the least of which is learning that God does love you with no strings attached.
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Do you think 13 is too young to...
by alreadygone inmy daughter is going to a school dance on friday.
she is extremely excited because a boy she likes asked her to go to the dance.
she is in 8th grade.
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Andrea Wideman
Not at all. Both of my kids went to dances at 11 years old. Sometimes they went with somebody and other times alone. It is good for them to experience social interaction. Joel and I talked to them about what is age appropriate behavior and we also had THE TALK with them. We told them that they could come to us and talk about anything at anytime. Growing up is tough enough without feeling you can't talk to your parents about what is going on in your life.
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Well, I handled that amazingly well...
by Joel Wideman inas my wife predicted, my mother heard that she da'd herself.
she called, and spoke with my boy for awhile.
(she needs her medication adjusted.
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Andrea Wideman
Actually the kids would never go with the JW's. They had planned on leaving it at 18 anyway. I think that before our household was divided but that now we are all on same track. It feels really good.
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Ever wonder why...........
by knot4me injw's never get dfed for being fat?
please don't take this offensively if you are overweight, i'm a little chubby myself.
i'm not judging.
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Andrea Wideman
They do treat overweight people differently. My KH redecorated and after it was finished I couldn't fit in the seat without hurting myself. At my baptism I couldn't fit in those chairs either. JW's might not openly go after obese people. They do however strongly urge you to go out in field service so much that they call in the JW diet.
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~How did/do you personally feel about the headship arrangement?~
by FlyingHighNow ini feel that headship is one of the most damaging doctrines taught in the wtbts as well as other fundy religions.
it is promoted as a way to have happier, healthier marriages and families.
in theory, maybe so.
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Andrea Wideman
I didn't mind the headship arrangement because Joel didn't suffocate my personality. He never told me what to do or how to be. He respected my mind and my ability to make my own decisions. I would discuss various things with him and his attitude would be I trust your judgement. He would only step in and make the final decision when he felt that I was totally off base. Upon further thinking it over I would agree that he was right.
I will admit to being raised old fashioned and that the man is the head of the house. I was also taught by my mom that if I was in an abusive relationship to not put up with that crap and leave him no matter what it took.
I will admit to being a very strong willed woman and Joel likes that about me. He is also a very strong willed man and I like that about him because the fact is that I couldn't respect a man who wouldn't stand up to me if he felt I was wrong. I would soon run roughshod fast over that kind of guy and I wouldn't be happy in a relationship like that.
So I suppose that I would hate the headship arrangement if I had an abusive or controlling spouse. Now that I am no longer JW that part of our relationship really hasn't changed because he never abused his power and used it to boss me around. Which, I am sorry ,would have probably had me telling him to stick his attitude where the sun don't shine and leaving.
The unfortunate fact is that no matter what religion you are you will always have somebody trying to lord their supposed power over another. I will have to say though that headship is one of the ways JW's try to control women and keep them down. It also makes itself look really attractive to power hungry men who want to control someone. -
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Well, I handled that amazingly well...
by Joel Wideman inas my wife predicted, my mother heard that she da'd herself.
she called, and spoke with my boy for awhile.
(she needs her medication adjusted.
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Andrea Wideman
Believe me when I say my husband wasn't having fun with this one. What he is doing is trying to prevent her from having a psychotic episode
I am dumbfounded that she thought we would fall for that take them out for dinner stuff, when I was a JW I didn't let her do it then. She is just too sick. So now we have to speak with her father about telling her to get her medication upped and also that she isn't respecting our decision. Something she certainly expected him to do when I switched from Catholic to JW.
Well now we will have to screen all our calls to keep her from harassing us until her meds get fixed. -
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Whats the worst dish you ever served???
by Tez ini am a reasonable cook when i can be bothered (as paulj will hopefully confirm) but often resort to quick and easy methods, packet mixes, tins etc.. whereas my parner is a brilliant cook!!
leave him in the kitchen for a little while and he produces something from scratch that is delicious.
so today i decided to extend my culinary skills!
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Andrea Wideman
The worst dish I ever made was a tuna casserole made with macaroni, tuna, spaghetti sauce,onion and corn. No one else in the house would eat it and I made a big pot of the stuff. It was back when I was just learning and experimented with unusual combinations. So I was the one that got stuck eating it because my mom's rule was you make it and then you get to eat it. By the time I was done eating that stuff I couldn't eat fish with tomato sauce ever again.